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She’s Pissed I’ve Got a Dating Site Profile

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Ellis:

I’ve been with my girlfriend for about six months and it’s a fairly serious and committed relationship. I met her on a lesbian dating site and I never took down my profile. The other day, I was checking my email when my girlfriend looked over my shoulder and saw a notification from the dating site.

Now, she’s barely speaking to be and says that keeping my dating site profile is a form of cheating. How can I convince her that it’s nothing to be upset about?

~Dating Site Dilemma

Ask Ellis

Dating Site Dilemma:

Well the solution to this problem seems fairly simple to me: take down your dating site profile!

Your girlfriend is right. Maintaining a dating site profile while you’re in a committed relationship is a form of playing the field. If you’re committed to your girlfriend, why do you need the dating site profile?

You need to really examine why you’re compelled to keep a profile on the dating site. Are you insecure in the relationship? Is your girlfriend failing to meet your emotional or physical needs in some way? Are you simply at a point in your life where you’re not ready to be involved in a committed relationship?

It almost sounds as though you’re lacking confidence in your relationship with your girlfriend. It sounds as though you want to maintain a dinghy in case your ship starts to sink. But living in this way is to assume your relationship will fail and it creates a situation where you cannot fully engage in the relationship. What you’re left with is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Whatever the case may be, you need to make a decision. Assuming your girlfriend is not open to a more casual, “open” relationship, you either need to eliminate the dating site profile and commit fully to your girlfriend or you need to end the relationship and move on. It’s not fair to your girlfriend if she’s seeking something serious and you’re just not ready or willing to commit.

After all, you can always re-activate your profile in the future if things don’t work out with your current girlfriend.

You’ll need to work to earn her trust again as your girlfriend is likely feeling a bit betrayed. But if you’re truly committed to her, it will be worth the effort.

Ask Ellis is authored by LGBT advice columnist Ellis Keller. Click here to follow Ask Ellis on Facebook or submit your Ask Ellis question here.

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