My Girlfriend Won’t Leave Her Husband

. . Dear Ellis: I've been seeing this incredible woman for about 9 months. She is absolutely perfect except for one thing: she's still married and lives with her husband. From the very beginning, she's been saying she would leave him, but there's always an excuse for why that hasn't happened yet. I'm starting to get frustrated because she's really not fully committed to our relationship, yet I'm totally in love. I can't figure out whether she's afraid about going from a heterosexual woman to a lesbian relationship or whether it's something else. I don't know what to do. I love her and don't want to leave her but I'm starting to feel like I've got no choice. ~Uncertain But in Love Uncertain But in Love: This is a tricky situation and at the end of the day, I think you need to be prepared for an uncomfortable reality: this relationship probably won't work out. Actions always speak louder than words and when you have a partner who is involved in another relationship, yet they make excuses and refuse to end that other relationship, that refusal speaks louder than any "I love yous" that they could offer. Ultimately, the fact…


Should I Tell My Family He’s HIV+?

. . Hi Ellis: About six months ago, I met the perfect guy. We're totally committed and in love. Now we're a the point where we're ready to meet each other's family. But there's a problem: my boyfriend is HIV positive. I'm HIV negative and I'm afraid my family will not accept him if they know he's HIV+. My family took several years to accept the fact that I'm gay and I really fear how they'll take this information. But I feel that withholding this information would be deceptive. What should I do? ~HIV Negative HIV Negative: This is a very sensitive situation, but at the end of the day, I believe you should make the decision as a couple, with your boyfriend having the final say as to if and when his HIV+ status is disclosed to your family. Honestly, I would not disclose this information on the first meeting with your family. It's a very personal bit of information that I believe may fall into the category of "TMI" if you were to disclose this when they've only just met. (I believe this is true of disclosing any medical information .) And sadly, individuals with HIV/AIDS are still…


She’s Pissed I’ve Got a Dating Site Profile

. . Ellis: I've been with my girlfriend for about six months and it's a fairly serious and committed relationship. I met her on a lesbian dating site and I never took down my profile. The other day, I was checking my email when my girlfriend looked over my shoulder and saw a notification from the dating site. Now, she's barely speaking to be and says that keeping my dating site profile is a form of cheating. How can I convince her that it's nothing to be upset about? ~Dating Site Dilemma Dating Site Dilemma: Well the solution to this problem seems fairly simple to me: take down your dating site profile! Your girlfriend is right. Maintaining a dating site profile while you're in a committed relationship is a form of playing the field. If you're committed to your girlfriend, why do you need the dating site profile? You need to really examine why you're compelled to keep a profile on the dating site. Are you insecure in the relationship? Is your girlfriend failing to meet your emotional or physical needs in some way? Are you simply at a point in your life where you're not ready to be involved…


He Won’t Come Out to His Family

. . Ellis: I've got a problem: my boyfriend refuses to come out of the closet to his family. We've been a couple for nearly four years and his refusal to open up to his family has really driven a wedge between us. I'm sick of sneaking around and pretending to be the roommate when his family comes by (which is often because they live just a few blocks away.) I feel like he's denying our relationship; like he's ashamed of me and I'm increasingly finding myself feeling resentful of him. How do I get him to finally come out to his family? ~Sick of Sneaking Around Sick of Sneaking Around: You're facing a fairly common issue - one that impacts many same-sex couples. The decision of if and when to come out is a very personal one. Coming out can be a very transformative experience; one that can impact nearly every aspect of your life. So it's important to respect your boyfriend's decision to withhold this information from his family. I would try to view the situation from your boyfriend's perspective. Don't assume that he's refusing to come out because he's ashamed of your relationship; instead, he may fear his…


It’s a Tug of War Over the Dog

. . Hi Ellis. My girlfriend is putting me in the awful position of picking between her and my dog. To be honest, it's breaking my heart. We've been together for about a year and we're at the point where we're ready to take our relationship to the next level and move in together, but she absolutely despises my dog.  It's putting me in a really tough spot. I love her but I love my dog too and I really don't think I can choose between them. It would mean giving up one of the beings I love most in this world. The thought of rehoming my dog is heartbreaking, but so is the thought of losing my girl. Any advice for this situation? ~Must Love Dogs Must Love Dogs: This is a challenging situation and I would really consider whether you're willing to give up your dog for someone who would put you in a situation where you must choose between them and the dog. And if you love dogs, do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't share this affection? A relationship is about give and take. It's about making concessions and compromises, especially…


Can He Forgive His Cheating Mate?

. . Hey Ellis. I've been going out with this incredible guy for about 18 months and he is absolutely *incredible*. A little over a year ago, I went away on business for about six weeks. At the time, we had hit a bit of a rocky patch but we were able to work through it. But while we were talking the other day, my boyfriend admitted that he had hooked up with another guy while I was away. I know it was a long time ago and our relationship is strong now, but I can't help but feel upset and betrayed.  I love my boyfriend and want to stay together, but I just can't seem to get past this. What do I do? ~Feeling Cheated Feeling Cheated: Learning that your partner has been unfaithful can be a really devastating blow, as it destroys the trust that should stand at the core of your relationship. Unfortunately, there's no simple fix. Repairing and mending that trust is a process that takes time. It's a good sign that your boyfriend was honest and admitted his infidelity. Secrets such as this can really stand in the way of a relationship's growth, so in this way, his admission suggests that…


Should Sis Serve as a Surrogate?

. . Ellis:  My brother is gay and he and his partner recently asked me to serve as a surrogate for their baby.  I would LOVE to help my brother by serving as a surrogate. I know how much they both would love to be parents. But there's a major problem: my parents are just barely accepting of my brother's sexual orientation and I suspect they would freak out if they learned I agreed to serve as a surrogate for them. I'm not sure they could handle the idea of my brother and his boyfriend raising a child and me serving as a surrogate would just be the cherry on top of a potentially messy situation. I'm afraid of alienating my parents if I agree to be a surrogate and I fear breaking my brother's heart if I decide against helping him. What should I do? ~Sister in CA Sister in CA: This is a very tricky situation, but I think you need to follow your instincts and do what you feel is right. Make the decision that you can live with; the decision that you won't regret 10, 20 or 30 years down the road. Chances are that your brother will…


Dad’s in the Dark About Daughter’s Transgender Mate

. . Hey Ellis. My daughter is in college and her partner of almost three years is transgender and in the midst of transitioning from male to female. I'm very accepting of this transition but my husband is not as open minded and I fear that he's going to have a really difficult time accepting this. I'm unsure of what to do and whether I should disclose this news to my husband. What do you recommend? ~Mom in the Middle Mom in the Middle: If your daughter plans on remaining in a relationship with her partner then she will eventually need to share this new development with her father. But for now, I would avoid saying anything to your husband as I believe it should come from your daughter and her partner. You should allow them to reveal this information at a time that feels right for them. This could definitely be challenging for your husband to accept, as your daughter's partner is not only transitioning into a female, but this also means that your daughter will be in a same-sex relationship. It will - without a doubt - be a lot to take in. When your daughter does decide to reveal this…


Exist Magazine LGBT by The Rain Maker with Scott Binsack


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